Tuesday, May 08, 2001

still waiting for the latest revisions on the paper...wondering when exactly that will be? i have soooo many overdue bills. and i have literally just shoved shit into my suitcases without rhyme or reason. it's going to be a long, long night.

feeling a little sad right now. i think that you know why. but it's not just that. there's such a large contingent of people who really expect that i will not come back, like they just assume that i'm just gonna say "fuck it" and "forget" to finish the degree. but they don't realize that i am too far in to turn back now. then there's the bit with my advisor...i really think that he wouldn't really care if i came back or not. so many people leaving town. christine had a point earlier when we were talking about how many years comprised of "one more year." next year has to be my one last year though. although it scares the shit out of me when i think about where next might be. i can hardly keep up with now.

so you ask what it is that i need to end? the simplest answer is that it's a pattern...but which one? and how? and what is the fairy tale exactly?

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