he.

for all the 13 years i've known him artificial intelligence has been his life...even after fading away from our overlords...he still collects, reads, notates, and thinks deeply about it all. if i've had to think of anyone who should have finished never could, it's j. for me? once i'd decided that the path i was on was no longer interesting to me, once i realized that i would never been healthy enough to stay in this area...i bid adieu. but watching j this past week...well, i broke down in tears when i heard his answer to my questions: "will you always chase it?"after he said yes...i cried. he asked me to me to calm down, man, it's not that big a deal. but it is because the world may never hear of the work of one it's greatest minds because this stupid place couldn't figure out how to nurture it.

 as for me? was i ever one of it's greatest minds? one of the most controversial, maddening, emotional, angry ones for sure...greatest? sometime the greatest choice is not to play.

so i'm moving. i'm leaving champaign after all these years. and i'm finding myself saying "oh this is the last time i'll do XYZ in champaign." of course my car had to totally break down yesterday...and i won't get an estimate on what the damage is until monday. sigh. the movers come tuesday and wednesday. and i'm wondering if i can just leave the damn couch that no one will take as a "gift" to my landlord. it's not like i'm going to get any of my security deposit back, right? maybe tomorrow i'll finally take some pictures of this place. i'm thinking a collage of pictures of all the for rent, for sale, and out of business signs that have flown up all over town is the only kind of photography that could really capture this place. at least for me. yeah...i, too, am going out of business in champaign, il...on to nyc....

i normally don't quote the bible but this passage from the book of job has stuck with me ever since i first heard ithave you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?
have the gates of death been shown to you?
what is the way to the abode of light? and where does darkness reside?
have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? tell me, if you know all this."god" describes bipolar depression amazingly well...