Friday, June 20, 2008

brilliant.i first saw requiem for a dream before seattle, back in the days of paul the chainsmoking alcoholic med student who admitted that emma thompson's character in "wit" had moved him to tears so much that it caused him to downward spiral into a depression coma for days.

when i got to seattle -- my detox from all the crap with paul and a few other cast of characters (or has it been the past few years that have actually been the detox from the detox?) -- i remember tom and i having a discussion about how everyone owns the movie but the real question is -- can you ever watch it again? but these days we have shows about drugs every damn night it seems on A&E's intervention that requiem is no longer that big a deal. drugs. lives going down the drain. same old.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

the sirens are going's officially tornado season for champaign-urbana. i must say...i don't feel freaked out like i did when I first got here. apparently we're going to get 60mph hail and a whole hell of a lot thunder and lightning in, oh, minutes from now...

Sunday, June 01, 2008

not sure if you've been watching the tudors but you know me when i get in one of these moods where i try to find the just in an injust world...and i watch things like "wit" where all we can do is focus on the commas to keep from crying about the lonely life of academics.

i have two months of back work i need to do this summer, along with everything else in the world going on. or is it that the world is going on and i am nothing? i can't easily answer that question.

i can't wait to be finished with this whole degree. but i'm tired and it's getting harder to keep going on like this. so i must move on, i must move toward other things but how do i do that when i lost the will so long ago?

i remember lucia and i once making contingency plans in case we weren't really cut out for this business. she, of course, made it to the end, got married, got a great job at a great university...i don't begrudge her any of that -- she earned it all and earned it via a tough, tough road.

but i'm still here. and it's grim.