Friday, May 12, 2006

luck and love and all that jazz and it felt weird to say goodbye to so many people all in one week and i couldn't say it to some because i hope we see each other again someday soon and i just don't handle goodbyes very well. so i hope you'll forgive me if i didn't do a proper send off...it's because i hope we'll still be friends and see each other again in this life.

full circle. as people told me how old they felt i remembered feeling the same back then and i was at once excited and sad about the things that lay ahead for them...for all of us, really. i just hope that they remember that we all go through these things and even when things seem bad that there's always something around the corner they won't ever expect, that none of us ever expect. be who you are but don't be afraid to revise it, add to it when you need to.

it felt weird to talk about next year...already planning so much for it and the body's not even cold on this year yet. but that's how it goes...we move to the next thing, we plan for tomorrow. and i saw you again and i was sad to see how i was out of the picture now and that was ok. there's no need to repay the time...at least not to me. but i hope that someday you'll understand why things happened the way that they did, why they unfolded the way that they did. but i'll never forget the helplessness of that day and a half in october and standing in the doorway at hospital and crying...crying for me and for you and for all of us that this world can sometimes just really suck the life out of us. and i hope you never feel that way again, that you'll never find yourself that helpless and without hope again that all that seems to be possible is the end.

but we go on. and i was happy to see another you seeming to be at peace with things and ready to go take on the world and i know that there will be times where you'll be lonely and maybe a bit lost and i saw go to a cafe and write about it and remember it...and know that it's ok to be lonely, that it's really just becoming familiar with being alone, being comfortable as an individual. my favorite movie says that we are born alone and we die alone so why not celebrate aloneness every now and again...only, unlike the movie, it's not a pitiful theory. we can never really know what we have in our friends and family until we become comfortable with who we are alone. be bold and be brave and be outragious and everything will fall into place.

but we go on. and it's not my place to judge what path will be right for any of you and there's the rub...we all need to figure it out for ourselves. and we will make mistakes, missteps and hurt others without really meaning to. all we can do is say how sorry we are and try to do better the next time around and accept that we are not perfect people, no matter what we might think. and that's ok.

but we go on.

1 comment:

Mo said...

yeah i friggin hate goodbyes..
but ill be back in the beginning of the year to do some stuff with study abroad papers and ill come by and visit :D