Friday, March 24, 2006

the d sets in now that we are done...people are starting to leave...and the rest of us will leave tomorrow...and then we don't see each other again until who knows when...so we've been working so hard and now that's that. it's like post-project depression or something...something. and then realizing how much further we have to go and how far...how?

no, i'm not 24/7 as goth as you think when you read this blog and i've learned a lot about myself...when to stand and scream, when to let go and just have fun and celebrate a great accomplishment and laugh...and that maybe my outward front is more connected to me than i think, maybe when i laugh, when i yell and kick and scream rather than curling up in a ball under the table...maybe that's me too?

kasey and mo, my students, left this morning and i worry that maybe i left a bad impression on them last night when i was letting off steam or maybe i didn't teach them enough about industry or i don't know...i'm a guilt tripper, you know? i worry that i haven't been a good enough mentor for robert because i feel so tired today and that i feel the pain of being human and i don't want to go back, i do, i do want to go back home but i don't want to start the next series of treatments at the hospital, i don't want to deal...but i will...i remember that i always somehow do deal.

so now i'm done packing and i'll wipe the rest of the tears away and just save the rest until the morning after...

2 comments:

Mo said...

pfffft!! hellz no. i had a great time at level 99. i just think that kasey was embarrassed because richard kept jumping on that desk and sandor was pretty dang loud.. but. whatever. no one really cared and if anything, the past week showed me more of who you really are: human. just like everybody and i like that. sometimes i worry because you do a lot for us wimse girls but either no one comes or something... so i really liked seeing you out there being yourself.

Mo said...

also, from what i saw you did an awesome job with robert. you set up that interview with the tall guy (how did that go btw?) and you went to the keynotes/awards thingie with him. plus, im sure youre going to continue to help him out even tho the conference is over, just cuz you already know eachother and still work together.