this was one of the tamer crowds on the st. petersburg subway but i saw it on my flicker, uh, ticker tape thing on the side of my blog and i remembered what i told christina in the car yesterday. at some point, in this life, before you get married, before you settle in to that life where we just don't change all that much anymore (and i'm pretty sure i haven't reached that age yet)...go. go travel to some country where you don't speak the language BY YOURSELF...go walk amongst the people, sit at a cafe and write and not worry if someone thinks...fuck, who cares what they think. just go. just get on a plane, a train...just go and run free in a city you'd never thought you'd ever be in and notice everything, remember everything. because these are the stories we carry with us. we're born alone, we die alone...be alone at some point in the middle and just live, for fuck's sake, live without fear as best as you can...be as brave as you can...and remember that we carry these things around inside us like invisible badges of honor...and that day, when that day comes and you wonder what the point is...remember these things, remember what it was like to live, to be free, to know what you could push yourself to do, to know that you are so much more than you might think...because you are. you really are. even when you feel like the rug's been pulled out from under you, you've gotten a sucker punch in the gut...it will all turn out ok. these stories we have...these moments of pain that comes from the honest torment of being here...someday they will just be stories. i didn't really realize that last bit until this evening when i talked to ries...that greg? he's just a story now...even as bad as that relationship was when i forgot to be strong, when i let myself take all the abuse, the mental, the physical...he's just a story now...one of many collected stories that i'm sure one day will flash before me but only for a second because there are so many other collective stories that make up this life.