once again it's the middle of the night. i feel like i'm just killing time right now. i'm busy yet nothing seems ultra shattering if it just doesn't get done. well, maybe some of it is but definitely not all of it. i'm sooooo abd now. just classic stuff. how do we get ourselves into this kind of mess? i feel like i did when i left blacksburg for the first time eight years ago (has it been that long?). so what would that make the gig in peoria? that's right...you know where. i can't let that happen twice in a lifetime. so fuck it. fuck that idea.

anyway, remember when i came back to tech and was all charged up. of course remember all the angst and remember what prompted me to go back? do you see where i am coming from? maybe that's what i'm supposed to end. remember the first time i ended things and moved out to reno? wow...that's what i was remembering last week. remember last saturday night when the air felt so strange and not of this place when i was out on the balcony while paul was smoking? i think that it was the air in tahoe that i was remembering, my weekend retreat. god i drove for hours that summer in that red neon. remember how you could see the lights on the strip from my room and it was somehow comforting in a way that could only be comforting in that place? how somehow everything seemed to make sense after two years where nothing seemed to make sense at all?

so what will seattle be like? will i have similar adventures? like the doctor said...follow your own heart.