past midnight and i'm already thinking that tomorrow's a hooky day from work and i just can't stand to be awake or asleep right now and maybe it would be good if i just went away for a few days only where would i go anyway, could i just show up on someone's, anyone's doorstep and say please let me cry here for a few days, please let me cry and hold me until it's over and let me tell you about what happened that night at the er...that awful, lonely night, sitting there in the waiting room with a stupid tupperware container with a dark green lid that i saw again today when i was cleaning out my car so that there was enough room to help you move nothing apparently and i wondered, briefly, if i should bring it in and wash it and i decided that that was pretty much the last thing that i wanted to do so i put it in the trash bag with the mounds of parking tickets, aborted thesis proposals, old coffee cups, and faded gas station receipts...and i figured that i might as well throw it away too and i know that if i ever told you about that night as it happened versus in vague and hazy details that you wouldn't be able to handle it and who the hell said that men were the stronger sex anyway because how can that be true?