what a long day...i think i'm going to withdraw the play and forget it. this is just insane. yes, it's become even MORE insane since yesterday. i don't know what to say about it really other than this just fucking sucks. i don't know. i've talked to lucia, to christine, to yuri, and to jesse about it...they know how much this is bothering me. of course the question is out there -- why tell the story now? exactly. why now?

it's like clockwork, really...every spring. the anxiety builds and i feel like i'm about to re-live it again and again and again and i can’t stop it.