Thursday, June 09, 2011

yeah, yeah, the song landslide's been used lately on everything from glee to south park (seriously? how does a cartoon character - stan - LEAVE the show? was butters being too much of a diva?)...

but it reminds me of a complicated relationship...that, well, i've had all my life, literally...and one that even seven years of intense psychotherapy couldn't even begin to tease apart...too bad we never thought of this song...i took my love, i took it down
climbed a mountain and i turned around
and i saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
till the landslide brought me down
they wondered what landed me there, what took me to the place that in the end had me running out into the pouring rain as if it were the sun...oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
can the child within my heart rise above?
can i sail through the changing ocean tides?
can i handle the seasons of my life?
the autumn of my life...can i handle this next one? maybe better than i could the others...autumn, the dying season...was always my favorite...the season of my birth...well, i've been afraid of changing
'cause i've built my life around you
but time makes you bolder
even children get older and i'm getting older too
an old friend told me tonight that it's the errors of omission that we carry with us from our parents, our families...the things we needed emotionally that we never got...and, frankly, never will...even if its not too late. as the therapist said "we've gone as far as we can and our time here has come to an end." the trouble is? no one has ever gone far enough...and no one ever will...who can? who can fit that bill when we can't even invoice it ourselves?oh, i'm getting older tooand there's no time for sorry. what would it mean if it was given anyway? the stupidest line in any movie is "love means never having to say you're sorry." love too often means that you can't ever possibly say your sorry. lord knows i've tried. i've tried to say that i'm sorry for all that i've fucked up, all that i am...but they disperse into the air as quickly as they are out of my mouth...a signal that it was all my fault, that it's always been all my fault...and that can't be true...i didn't raise myself. or did i?aw, take my love, take it down
aw, climb a mountain and turn around
and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
well, the landslide bring it down
and as i said tonight, there are horrors to be found wherever you look in this world...don't talk to me about beauty...not right now. don't be trite. because that's not what i'm talking about...

[thanks to stevie nicks for the lyrics]

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