there are three letters missing on my vita and i don't even need to buy a vowel to know exactly what they are.

time to go collect my winnings.

this just in! new banned word: wayfinding

uh...why are we so lost? do we need to be found? do we need to fit into a model or framework before we are found? are we all just walking around waiting for someone to put us in a category so we can accept it and move on or rally against it until a new model or framework comes along that makes us feel like we are finally understood because we have a label that feels like home to us, because we have the second part of the note pinned to the inside of our jackets: if lost, please _____ .

296.33

really? does that explain everything or anything at all? wayfinding. is that even a real word? if i remember my dante correctly...at some point, in the middle of our lives, we realized we had lost our way on the path. what path? oh yeah...the one that we are trying to describe with our frameworks and models. now i remember.

levels of heaven and hell and the in between. hell is other robots.

banned words of the day: framework and model

why? because if i have to read one more fucking article that suggests a framework or model for "understanding" whatever it is we are supposed to be informed about, i might implode. seriously. why, why, why must we be bombarded by endless babble about how to group things together and when grouped what we should call them. enough!

the next conference call for papers i get in my email is going to get a proposal from me called "frameworks and models: challenges and realities" that is essentially going to be about nothing at all. the challenge: must we have so many fucking frameworks and models versus actual content? the reality: we don't need to have endless droning on and on and on and on because all that it is is academic head-in-the-sand behavior all about avoiding working on actual solutions. that's right...it's avoidance behavior...overintellectualizing things to the point that whatever it is we are trying to put into a framework or modeling gets lost.

maybe i'm wrong. who the fuck knows. maybe i need a framework for understanding models or vice versa. fuck...maybe i need a framework for understanding myself. hahaha. how many minutes of droning could i get in on that topic (again) before dr. b tells me that i'm avoiding the question?

the thing is...what was the question again?

so i skipped about a month and a half on this thing. sometimes life is just too much to put online...to those of you that think i put everything on here? not even close. but anyway it's now 2008. a new year. a new start. maybe i'll finally figure out who i am and who i want to be. last year was dramatic. today's ok.

i'm doing one of my favorite dissertation tasks (a.k.a. need to procrastinate? read another book!)...the lit review. i wish i had a copy of my quals still...i probably do somewhere but, you know, maybe i should just forget it existed. kind of like my advisor at the time did when he asked me the next week to write up a lit review of what i'd just written a lit review about as part of my quals. did you understand that? don't worry...it's not really that important.no one knows what its like
to be the bad (wo)man
to be the sad (wo)man
behind blue eyes

no one knows what its like
to be hated
to be fated
to telling only lies

but my dreams
they arent as empty
as my conscience seems to be

i have hours, only lonely
my love is vengeance
thats never free

no one knows what its like
to feel these feelings
like i do
and i blame you

no one bites back as hard
on their anger
none of my pain and woe
can show through

but my dreams
they arent as empty
as my conscience seems to be

i have hours, only lonely
my love is vengeance
thats never free

when my fist clenches, crack it open
before I use it and lose my cool
when i smile, tell me some bad news
before I laugh and act like a fool

if i swallow anything evil
put your finger down my throat
if i shiver, please give me a blanket
keep me warm, let me wear your coat

no one knows what its like
to be the bad (wo)man
to be the sad (wo)man
behind blue eyes
with apologies to the who for my letter additions...