i can't get used to the idea that after the break is over, i'll still be on break...because i've been terminated, sacked, fired, and so forth. the thing that makes me the most sad is that i'd wanted to go out with some dignity, with some kind of "hey, thanks for all that time and all those things." it would have meant a lot to me. but it's not going to happen...burn out rather than fade away.

i can't take the sting any more and there's no one who really understands...i mean understand my life, know my life and know how much it depresses me. the world is ugly and cold so often and it'd hard not to blame yourself, it's hard to bear it. but all i can do is move, keeping moving and maybe it will stop hurting in time...until the next time.