Friday, January 27, 2006

while i know it's friday at the same time it feels like some weird "sick day" or something. i definitely have been pushed and have pushed myself (whether i've been asked or not) over my limits...i guess "over" isn't the right term since i did get everything (well, except wimse coffee house...i totally forgot that while i was running around collecting surveys even though i had it on my schedule) that needed to get done, done.

but i find myself getting increasingly frustrated by "the little things" like, oh, late bills, the fact that i have no money, my student loan check is late and my network at home isn't working right and the power keeps going out, which means i keep having to reset everything every 3 hours...and, oh yeah, my phone's been cut off but i don't have a dime to pay the bill...and rent's due next week...i'd try to sell a kidney but, you know, maybe i'm not the best donor candidate given all the places i've travelled to and all the illnesses i've had.

and so in my adolescent psych class yesterday i was finally able to give a somewhat proper intro to our class, which has been insane due to fucking banner, the registration system and having about 15 more students than i'm being paid for (yes, dr. b, i did get the *balls* to demand a pay raise yesterday)...and i don't mind teaching a larger class, i'm not nervous or anything like that. but this is getting insane -- the students are paying more to come here and they are dropping ta positions and overloading our sections and THANK FUCKING GOD the university spent probably 800 million dollars to herald in the ron zook football era, especially since we pulled out a 2-8 record this fall (ok that was one of my RAs who pointed that out -- guess which one?). :)

but anyway back to the teaching of the class...so we talked about what is it about "18" that means we're "adults" -- are we still adolescents until we're 25? does everyone really feel that way at 18, that they are adults? it's a good question. i mean i definitely felt changed after moving out, going to undergrad, having to make all these decisions that, until then, i'd never really had to make. but i'm 35 now...and, believe me, the salary that i make...it's just not covering it. then again, where do i have to turn to? i have to figure it out every month. but, no, i'm not an adolescent...but i hope, given my work in the dorms, that i can keep understanding the powerful new life change that they are all going through and never become one of those people who thinks "oh...undergrads are SO irresponsible." well, come on...why wouldn't they be in some ways? i'm irresponsible sometimes, although i try not to be. i mean these kids are gonna slip up, problems that were hidden while they were in high school are going to unleash themselves, people will try to die while others will die without trying. so how can the university, etc say that "well, they are 18, they should know what they are doing." i mean come on...can any one of us say that in every instance in our lives we know what we're doing? no. because sometimes you've gotta learn the improv, to not tighten up when you think you're gonna crash, to admit mistakes but then try to make it right...to look out for each other because sooner or later someone will need to look after us.

1 comment:

Kim Vlcek said...

I can't say that I felt like an adult when I got here... still don't... I feel like a little girl, and it's quite scary!