sitting here at well past midnight, so angry that i want to smash my fist through the wall and then i remember the gash that still hasn't quite healed that jesse has on his arm from the last time he was raging at the machine (literally) and i have to ask myself if i really want any more scars, cuts, bruises on me at the moment. but i get so mad, you know?

so most of you know my play was finally pulled. and in the end i guess it really came down to me...i just decided not to deal with it...not to deal with the bureaucracy, the university bullshit, censorship...my words cut...not just my words...whole events changed, sanitized...SPEAK OUT...but don't speak the truth...no, no that would be bad, that we cannot accept...you must be crazy, you must be unstable...speak out, speak out, speak out...as long as we don't have to hear the truth...it's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap...it will not set you free.

break.the.silence. just don't break the news to us. just please don't shatter our comfort. let's all just sit back and talk in the abstract, talk as if we really know how things must be because we read an article about it or heard some statistics on it, recoil with horror at the idea of it...but for god's sake...let's not hear the words that come from those who know these things for themselves because then that's when things will become uncomfortable.

break the silence...speak out...just for god's sake just don't tell us about it.