happy new year everyone! harlan, christine, yore, and i all spent a low key new year's eve together cooking, eating, and watching happenstance and ringing in the new year to the sound of...uh...owls. christine has this bird clock that "chimes" a different bird sound every hour and i guess midnight is the owl hour. they say that midnight is the witching hour...and i guess witches sometimes have owls...so there you go. anyway, it was a really nice time. not a crazy new years...but just casual and happy and fun. and i guess that for the first time in a long, long time i realized that maybe i'm not so alone in the world. and i don't really know what specifically made me feel that way tonight and i guess it really doesn't matter. the important thing is that i feel like things are going to be ok. somehow. finally.
i realized on the drive home tonight that i've been a pretty crappy friend over the last 7-8 months. and i'm sorry about that everyone. that's the part of depression that really amazes me...that for some reason when you are falling into it, you have to push everyone away so far and create an even bigger...well...loneliness. and it's not until you come back out of it that you realize that the pushing not only hurt you...but other people as well.
may we all find peace this year.