so did i tell you that i HAVE a sewing machine now? and so now i'm sewing every day and it's totally crazy. and i was just telling my mom on the phone how i ran across this grad student at UVA'a (i think) web site and he was talking about how the only way he remained sane during his dissertation writing was by making stuffed animals. somehow he got it into his brain that he would learn to sew and sew he did, making tons and tons of stuffed animals. so maybe there is something to this quilting thing of mine.

the funny thing about it is that i was convinced that i didn't like quilts (and WHY exactly did i sign up for a quilting class?) but really i don't like those pastel kinds that look (and usually are) manufactured. you know the kind i mean...the kind when you hear the word "quilt" and you think (a.k.a., i think) "yuck...nononononono way is that going into my house." so, yeah, i still hate those quilts. but i've been seeing these quilt examples at the store that i go to, in the classes i've been taking, and on the web and there are these cool stories that are told through the quilt, only you just have to learn how to see it. and i guess that's true with anything really...the story is there. you just have to learn how to see it.

my latest movie obsession: bollywood! get your bollywood films at indofilms. works like net flix. i can't wait for my first four to arrive!

you know what's kind of funny? ok, it's a LOT funny. for some reason my cable modem company is blocking the microsoft site. but luckily the msn "sorry we can't find your site" search page pops up on my internet explorer and asks me if i was looking for microsoft (again, blocked) or mmicrosoft. now why the hell does it even offer me mmicrosoft as an option? i know, i know...it's a 'bot and not a static web page...but still. you think that bill would make sure that something like that wouldn't happen.

in other news, my play has been deemed *too controversial.* lord. it's not yet clear, however, if *too controversial* means "uh...we've got a problem..." but as the magic 8 ball suggests...all signs point to "yes." hehe. i've always wanted to be *too controversial.*

ugh...the flu. it's official. and that's fine, really...it's like -36 outside.

an old friend of mine is once again touched with fire it seems. and i recognized the voice right away on the phone. i mean i knew it was her...but i also knew which version of her it was. once you've heard the sound of madness descending, you cannot forget...and i just remembered that it's been ten years and my blood runs cold. a whole decade has passed in the blink of an eye and here we are again...the play goes on and on...a pattern. and i can't seem to shake the feeling that we've gone all this way only to arrive exactly where we started...only i'm not sure we know the place quite yet...only that we know that we've arrived...once again.

wanted: xbox stickers...to decorate my videogame journal! :)

i want my blogger mug back dammit!

anyway, i'm dying for some new games but i don't have any cash right now. job opportunity part two came my way earlier this week but i, once again, had to beg off due to timing. too much cancer last year to finish up...but it's all over now. and we're moving on.

so last night i did something TOTALLY uncharacteristic for me. any guesses? i took a *gasp* basic quilting class. there's this sewing place like 14 steps from my apartment (ok maybe it's a little farther than that but it's damn close...it would take me longer to get there if i drove rather than walked) and they rent out machines and they offer classes and such. so back in december, COMPLETELY on a whim...i walked over and asked them if they offered classes. and normally just getting information would be more than enough to end my manic wanderings. but no...i signed up to take a class. so when getting information somehow fails to curb my manic excitement, usually signing up and paying for whatever the object of my attention is then takes care of it...and then i don't do anything more from there. and then i bought the supplies for the class...and then last night...i showed up for the class. and you know...it was absolutely insane because I'VE NEVER SEWED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. and so it was weird because i was using this super technical sewing machine that kind of felt like i was using a racing wheel for one of my racing games...had the pedal and everything. but the damn amazing thing is that now i have these little sewed together squares and i'm trying to figure out how the hell it was possible that i sewed something together at all! but apparently i did...go figure.

and you know...i don't really even like quilts. i mean the traditional kind. but i like the idea of making something that looks completely, completely absurd and modern, like with velvet in wild colors. so i felt like i was getting the knowledge that i needed to do something, well, absurd and modern. and this post is going nowhere really but i just had to share.

some sad news...lucia's father passed away on thursday and my heart is with her and her family. so everyone...send good thoughts her way...thoughts of strength, of healing, of courage.

i don't know why i forgot to mention this the other day but cece, rachel, mike, harlan, sarah, and i all went out to boltini's to check out the 16mm educational films set to a rock-n-roll soundtrack. it sounded amazingly wacky and they even had $1 schlitz cans...but the show wasn't all that. but the company was great and we all had lots-o-laughs anyway. AND i got to wear my wacky-ass coat that i bought at a local vintage shop. what better occasion, right?

sigh...why can't my apartment people fix the goddamn fuse in the bathroom? it seems to blow every three months. shower by candlelight i guess...again.

why is carrot top famous? can someone answer this for me? i just saw an ad on tv for the hollywood squares and he's apparently on it...WHY? why does this guy exist?????

i think that i eat like a drug addict. actually i don't know if that's the right title for my dining behavior but it feels right at the moment. i mean some days i only have candy to eat. all day. that's it. candy and orange juice. then there's the days that i might only eat steamed rice. today is a tv dinner day. i guess i'm on a health kick right now, huh? actually i think that i mostly eat like a grad student...i dine on whatever i can afford at the moment. which is kind of like being a drug addict...although i'm not sure that all this research gives you quite the same high.

so you probably haven't heard of this place unless you are me or bunkadoo but today's shopping recommendation is lush fresh handmade cosmetics based in canada. as bunkadoo and i can attest, they have THE best bath products ever. this is based on asynchronous remote research that we have both conducted in our own, uh, labs and is not based on synchronous co-located research with bunkadoo...who did tell a story recently about some kind of synchronous co-located research involving free-falling out of showers when showering in groups. but that's some new direction that he's leading his lab in and you'll have to ask him to brief you on that.

guess who's been working on their methods chapter again???

i hit a new low in dissertation procrastination today...i just spent the last three hours removing every single stain in my carpet and cleaning...and i mean COMPLETELY...cleaning my cat's litter boxes to perfection. nice...

well, i've been amazingly busy all day ever since i discovered lomography on the web and now i'm completely obsessed with it. ok i've also been doing other things but i really love the history behind lomography -- high quality art photography for the people. it's so very art as experience as chip might say. and christ...i just said it too. fuck.

anyway, according to this site...lomography is "...at first glance, a bit like good old photography, but it is actually something else, something completely different. it requires uncompromising and relentless snapshots of everyday insanity by lomographers using their lomos. these are taken from the hip, over their heads, through legs, from the floor, upside down, facing backwards, etc..."

kick ass.

holy shit! that book we did??? it just went into REPRINT. shit. who knew?

oh -- i now have a livejournal mainly serving as a passthrough to here so that i can take advantage of the LJ communities while still focusing on my blog.

in the "ok...i deserve this" category...

i either have (1) the flu, which i don't think that i really *deserve* but it just kind of figures because i was making such a big stink a few weeks ago about how i would rather have the flu 7000 times than get a flu shot.

or...i have (2) some god awful parasite from that whatever-tartare that i ate at that restaurant the night my brother announced his engagement when i stated something along the lines of "i can eat whatever the hell i want i don't care if it's dangerous or not and stop fucking telling me what to do i'm not three years old" blah blah blah.

here's hoping that it's just the flu. and here's hoping that i don't get it 7000 times if it is.

update on the boxes...not everything was ruined. the goretex raincoat survived (damn that stuff's amazing). most of the other clothes are kinda moldy, the cd player doesn't seem to be working, and all the shampoos/soaps/etc all kind of exploded into one big mess. probably the weirdest thing he sent back was the book on london that i got him for our six month anniversary when everything was still happy and hopeful. although looking back...ah...never mind. it doesn't really matter anymore, does it?

it's kind of funny, though...i had a dream about fiji the other night. no, not the country...that fraternity that john was in back in undergrad...remember him? anyway...yes...it was a fairy tale dream (tm). and as far as i can figure out, it was mostly about ghosts. not the supernatural kind...just those people who used to be your friends back when you were dating their friend but once the relationship is over...yeah, you know what happens. and i imagine that i had the dream because i've been thinking about the friends that i lost when greg and i broke up. god knows why i was dreaming of people and places from 12 years ago though...patterns...patterns...patterns...

oh yeah. many of you have asked me what this mystery play is all about. well, the main thing that i can tell you right now is that it's about the conversations that we all have when a new relationship begins to become something more significant. and it's about that dance we do, trying to find a way to convey the pain that we have felt, the experiences that we have had...simultaneously hoping that they will have the strength to stay...and hoping that if they don't that they'll leave now before you start to fall and even the king's men can't put you back together again.

happy new year everyone! harlan, christine, yore, and i all spent a low key new year's eve together cooking, eating, and watching happenstance and ringing in the new year to the sound of...uh...owls. christine has this bird clock that "chimes" a different bird sound every hour and i guess midnight is the owl hour. they say that midnight is the witching hour...and i guess witches sometimes have owls...so there you go. anyway, it was a really nice time. not a crazy new years...but just casual and happy and fun. and i guess that for the first time in a long, long time i realized that maybe i'm not so alone in the world. and i don't really know what specifically made me feel that way tonight and i guess it really doesn't matter. the important thing is that i feel like things are going to be ok. somehow. finally.

i realized on the drive home tonight that i've been a pretty crappy friend over the last 7-8 months. and i'm sorry about that everyone. that's the part of depression that really amazes me...that for some reason when you are falling into it, you have to push everyone away so far and create an even bigger...well...loneliness. and it's not until you come back out of it that you realize that the pushing not only hurt you...but other people as well.

may we all find peace this year.