like clockwork, it's still like clockwork and i wonder how so many years went by with the anger seething inside and threatening to break lose at any minute and what the fuck if it did? what the fuck if it did. fifteen years...twenty-nine years...tick tock, tick tock...could i have made another choice? what if i had made another choice? it's a cancer that i can't cut out and i can either control it or let it destroy me but i can't remove it, there's no way to remove it and i think of angry mad thoughts on the couch in his office and i wonder if i have the courage to let them out yet?