everything's rather fucked up right now with my funding and i am supposed to fill out some loan default form on the most unusable university web site out there. forget the fact that i have no idea why i have to fill out a loan default form right now at all, especially since i have never had to before and i am certainly not in default now...i just would love to know where the fuck that form actually is on the site because after almost two hours i never did find the fucking thing. all i know is that this whole thing is really getting on my nerves.

are you out there amy? it's been almost nine years now...it's funny how the years go by. sitting in the ct office, trying to help with the ads for the station...that's where i saw your picture. and you had already gone away. the three of us never did say goodbye. i guess maybe rod and i never really thought that we'd ever not be here. but i think you knew. some day i'll return to the place where we were. and i'll walk down to the beach from the pension. and i'll remember the tears that had no place in the lives of the young. and i'll think of dolphins and discos and sweaters and silly phrases...all the things that remind me of you. thanks to you, i'm not simply an observer any more.

all alone as i walked by the banks of the river...hello jimmy. i think i always understood. i wish that i could have told you...but i never realized what exactly it was until i heard about the freedom that you had tried to find. but you're free now. that much i believe is true. i wish that things had not been so scripted so that you had to hide who you were...i wish that i could have reached out and told you that i knew, that it would be ok...i wish i had known to tell you that you would grow to be more brave than you ever realized that you could be. someday i'll return to the dusty stage. and i'll remember our talks after the shows and the talks about uncertain futures and unspoken paths. thanks to you, i'm no longer satisfied with not being who i am.

peace.

picked up the singles dvd today...makes me miss seattle. i looked up a few sites about the filming of the movie and found a long article at entertainment weekly online and another at cameron crowe's own web site in case you are interested. it's fun to be able to watch the movie and remember the set of keys on my keychain...

wow...this week's stranger has an article about microsoft's recent security concerns. makes me worry about all my friends there...

yeah, yeah...so i added a little box thingee to amazon and some xbox stuff. seemed like a good idea and all.

well, congratulate me -- i walked/ran on the treadmill at the gym for an hour...4.25 miles. ok, no record but it better than nothing, right? working out between 9 and 11am is weird there...lots of moms and strollers. creeps me out.

so my department wants me to start work on the department web site asap...only they are forgetting one small thing...THEY ARE NOT YET PAYING ME. and you remember my motto from a few years ago, right? no pay? no work! it's amazing how the faculty seem to forget that *small* issue as they are sitting fat and sassy. what can you do? oh i know! graduate and get the fuck out of here!

ok...so upon re-reading that last post, i suppose that the ghost world part could use some more explanation. what i was saying is that i feel like i am having trouble reconnecting to this town and this place. i think that's quite enough explanation. i wouldn't want to ruin it for you.

so i'm back now. i've been back for a week now. things are going well with my dissertation and i'm moving forward, which is good as you know. but i'm hating the midwest more than ever. you know what? i realized earlier that i feel a little bit like i'm in ghost world, part two...where she leaves on the bus, goes to graduate school, leaves, has an adventure, meets her great love but then has to return to graduate school in order to resolve the things left unfinished before she can return to that wonderful place. i dunno. something like that.

p.s....i'll be better about updating this thing when i get back to town and get settled. as you can imagine, it's been a stressful last week. and i greatly miss seattle...and a certain someone...

ok...so am i ever well lately? landed a nice kidney infection thingee when i got back to dc. face is puffy due to meds. ugh. anyway, i'm in zanesville, ohio...somewhere outside columbus at a cheesy holiday inn. still feel nauseous.

i'm gonna miss my morning coffee at victrola...better grab one in the morning before i go, eh?

well, it's my last night in seattle and i'm all packed. migraines for days, not sure what brought that up. probably the stress of everything i imagine.

anyway, i went out with the guys from work on friday. you know...i honestly think that they are going to miss me. isn't that funny? i mean i don't mean that in an egotistical way. not at all. it just took me by surprise, you know? i'm going to miss them too.

so...five months. how did it go by so quickly? less than 14 hours left and then i'll be on my way back to dc...and then back to school. but don't worry...i'll be back out here in no time. 5 weeks to be exact. and who ever would have guessed that when i left last may?

it's my birthday and i can cry if i want to...

yep...the big 3-1 everyone! greg just surprised me with a piece of chocolate cake complete with candles from coastal kitchen. now he's fast asleep while i finish up my final edits for work. tomorrow is my last day...and i get to pick the games!

three more work days until i leave and this one is now over half over...