yeah, not a lot of blogging action this year...i'm not sure why though. am i just bored with this now? i'm not even keeping a journal very well either (you know...the old school paper kind). yet...there's so much to write about, it's scary.

we went to the ER tonight. i left for the ER around 5:45 after ending class early because i was in so much fucking pain it was insane. and they were nice to me...and i couldn't believe it after how much shit i've been going through. too personal to post (i know...too personal for me even) but something needed to be said...not sure i said enough but oh well. if you don't know...you don't know. no big deal. don't worry yourself about it.

i've hurt a lot of people this year. not on purpose. but when i get cycles in my life that are bottomless pits, i shove people away. is this my being protective of them, not willing to let them fall too? or what?

i laughed today when i showed a flier for class because it was already posted all over the room (i swear that someone searches me out to leave fliers in my classroom because these classes and gaming nights have nothing to do with any other class but my game design class. whatever. anyway, it was a little exercise in truth in advertising...it seemed to my class that reading the "playing games for science" read like "just play civ 4 and that's all." but the truth was in the other flier...the part where it was "what the class was actually covering." then my students felt a bit cheated or tricked...i mean what "game researchers group" here? there is my class that covers design. then there are a couple other classes that graze in the games pastures but aren't based in the real practice of making games. and that's insane.

anyway, my class will be offered as a CS class (no CRN yet so don't ask!) rather than a LIS class. LIS, i think, is pretty much done with me...not unlike my own department. but whatever...there are too many real things to get upset about and if people don't want to let me in on their reindeer games...i'll make up my own and get other people for my games.

btw, i'm really proud of my class this semester. they are a good group of students -- i don't know why but i do really like teaching undergrads...i mean why wouldn't you? but so many don't because they see them as "dull" or "stupid" (yes those words) but i don't at all. these are just kids trying to get as much out of college as they can in whatever direction(s) they decide to go in. and if i can help some of them by passing along what i know in a meaningful way, i feel good about it. it's the academic circle. teach your passion. show others the way to find their own.