ok, you all already know that i'm absolutely insane...but grey's anatomy has me sampling new music like no other media form has ever before...and i know, i KNOW it's all part of the cross-media promotional *thing* that we're all in now (to feel like you are on survivor, "buy the new merged tribe buff" and to feel like you are a medical intern, "buy these songs"). buy, buy, buy. or steal. whatever.

why do i like that show? duh. the seattle connection, go figure. but i thought about last night's episode, where dr. mcdreamy looks at meredith like she's a slut and she says you have no right to judge me, you have no right to say anything about who i sleep with, what i do...and it reminded me of all those breakups in the past and i felt empowered by the fact that she said just the right words...those words we never can say when we're in the moment. but i did once...to the londoner after he came back and dumped me promptly and i just walked out and said "you know...i'm not dealing with your criticisms of me...i'm not dealing with you anymore at all."

now i have to figure out this whole issue with dr. b and, yeah, i'm mad at him because i'm mad that i feel like he sees me now as this pathetic creature who just won't move past things but, you know, these are dangerous times...and i'm not sure i want to tell him all these things...but at the same time, i'm just really tired of doing nothing in session each week...and i'm just really tired at the idea of blowing the dust off the rose petals...and he doesn't seem to get me...and that i won't let him...

these are by far the most dangerous times and i feel tired and i dread going there...because it's not cathartic anymore...instead...do i trust him with the parts i've never revealed? to anyone?