the d sets in now that we are done...people are starting to leave...and the rest of us will leave tomorrow...and then we don't see each other again until who knows when...so we've been working so hard and now that's that. it's like post-project depression or something...something. and then realizing how much further we have to go and how far...how?

no, i'm not 24/7 as goth as you think when you read this blog and i've learned a lot about myself...when to stand and scream, when to let go and just have fun and celebrate a great accomplishment and laugh...and that maybe my outward front is more connected to me than i think, maybe when i laugh, when i yell and kick and scream rather than curling up in a ball under the table...maybe that's me too?

kasey and mo, my students, left this morning and i worry that maybe i left a bad impression on them last night when i was letting off steam or maybe i didn't teach them enough about industry or i don't know...i'm a guilt tripper, you know? i worry that i haven't been a good enough mentor for robert because i feel so tired today and that i feel the pain of being human and i don't want to go back, i do, i do want to go back home but i don't want to start the next series of treatments at the hospital, i don't want to deal...but i will...i remember that i always somehow do deal.

so now i'm done packing and i'll wipe the rest of the tears away and just save the rest until the morning after...