not sure if you've been watching the tudors but you know me when i get in one of these moods where i try to find the just in an injust world...and i watch things like "wit" where all we can do is focus on the commas to keep from crying about the lonely life of academics.

i have two months of back work i need to do this summer, along with everything else in the world going on. or is it that the world is going on and i am nothing? i can't easily answer that question.

i can't wait to be finished with this whole degree. but i'm tired and it's getting harder to keep going on like this. so i must move on, i must move toward other things but how do i do that when i lost the will so long ago?

i remember lucia and i once making contingency plans in case we weren't really cut out for this business. she, of course, made it to the end, got married, got a great job at a great university...i don't begrudge her any of that -- she earned it all and earned it via a tough, tough road.

but i'm still here. and it's grim.