flu. that's about the last thing i needed to come down with...ok, let's get real...i could have come down with pretty much anything and it would have been the last thing i needed. so revised...illness. that's about the last thing i needed to come down with.

it's probably time to change my mind on that whole vaccine thing.

so i'm up. it's 2am. i'm freezing because i'm in the living room, which has major ass draft. i'm watching some damn show called platinum weddings and it's irritating me. so i must change channels. i don't care about watching people with an extra hundred grand or so to spend on ONE FUCKING DAY.

but the good news is that it's looking good for me getting a raise, which is about fucking time. i have no clue what the details are on that. but at least there's now hope.

sometimes i worry that these drugs i take to *normalize* are doing anything but that. yeah, we've been through this before. i mean i was afraid to take anything for way too long but the cocktail i'm on...i'm just not sure it's really helping much...maybe i expect too much. maybe i just need to accept that i'll always be this way and that it's ok. or is that giving in too much? giving up rather than acceptance...