i never really liked baltimore all that much and not much has changed and as you might have guessed i'm tired, recovering and brought to you by the following pharmaceutical companies...

it dawned on me that i really DON'T have to do three people's jobs for the same $/per hour that kinkos is hiring for. so fucking what if we just bail on the study? who the fuck cares if the damn bulletin board never changes? and why should it be my fucking job to answer to parents about why someone else promised the sun, moon, and stars (in the form of tutors) and then bailed and left me with the whole fucking mess? here's my answer: "yeah, wow, you are right. this is one fucked up situation. believe me, i'm right there with you since they owe me half a house in back pay by now. here's the direct number to call ____ ______ and complain."

it does not matter. all i can do is hold up my end of the deal, work my 20 hours (which sometimes are worked all in one day!), and the things that don't happen? well, they just won't. i will not, not, NOT be the martyr here. i will not, not, NOT fuck up graduation...again. i will not, not, NOT let big administration tell me that it's all up to me. no. i will not be the business manager, i will not run the paper, i will not be trapped in a position where i am doing EVERYTHING and losing my mind all without any power/respect/whatever to actually DO things. my job is as a grad assistant NOT as cleaner upper of all the problems that others left in their wake. i will see THAT job through but i will not, not, NOT do the jobs of all those who left me in this mess. again, the direct number to call is ____ - ______ and ask them what the fuck is up?

seriously...or more seriously...it would be a disservice to my girls if i let housing trample me down until i'm sick. that's exactly NOT what i want them to see. instead...they should see me do what needs to get done to graduate and not get caught in a depressive tidal wave doing well more than my share of the workload.

i will not let them reverse this on me. i will not believe that i have to accomodate to avoid abandonment. i will not let them tell me that they honestly give a shit about my graduation. because they don't. or they would have come in and done the work that needs to be done instead of just assuming i'd do it and sacrifice my needs, my life, my goals for the good of the party. because i will not, not, NOT.

call 1-800-eat-shit, motherfuckers. yeah, i DO have problems with authority, especially authority that does not step up to the plate. and i SO do not have a problem with saying that your number is up. i'm calling you on it. your time is over.

i hope you cry when you get home.