my eclectic mix of weirdness on my ipod is astonishing...to me at least. i keep adding songs to my "dissertation mix" which is becoming sort of a soundtrack of my life...yes, even kate bush from my moody grrrrl adolescent storm and stress (remember that term, psy 430-ers? hope so...it was question one on the exam you just took)...don't give up by kate bush and peter gabriel...that very well could be one of the top songs on my life soundtrack list. i remember telling lee years ago at that bar at the w hotel in new orleans that we definitely weren't cool enough to be at that kate bush got me through my teenage years and he laughed and said that at first he though "whaaaaaat?" but then he thought about it and...yeah. makes sense.

project new orleans didn't go over super well last night and i can see why people would be freaked about showing the levee system and the reminder of all the sadness...and i wonder...and maybe i'll bring this topic up at the next inquiry meeting/class/event...when is it too early to talk about sadness and pain? and how can we do that in a socially responsible way that doesn't project an air of well, jeeez...go figure that happened...we set ourselves up for the pain we get. maybe i didn't explain it very well...a link to the displaced...

i didn't understand new orleans until i was in grad school and then it seemed like i was in that city every minute for a conference or a sugar bowl...i feel like i need to take the pilgrimage again...to see it for what it is now, to see how it's trying, despirately to not give up and give in...i need to see new orleans rising up again...rise up...phoenix...rise...

from the warehouse district where we were that night and it merged into the afterparty and it merged into morning and coffee and a hurricaine and jealosy and seeing that part of myself that i can be when i'm through with stiffening up and waiting for the crash...and there i go...there i go around and round and i feel sick and you feel sick but it's all a part of it...greasy spoons and grenades and that damned river and the people staying, standing...we know we're battling impossible odds but that's just the way it is...round and round that restaurant...on the balcony telling that guy that he's doing it all wrong and you can see the ties disappearing...you can see them all taking a chance...for at least that one moment.

and then you come back. you remember where you are. and you, once again, stiffen up and wait for the accident to occur...because you know it will...and at that point you've forgotten everything that the city had to teach you.